Wednesday, April 25, 2012

From divorcée to fiancée.

When you sit beside your husband
staring straight forward.
Eyes locked on anything but him
your lips quiver and that terrible word slips out.

In the phrase that so many
dread to hear.

"I want a divorce."

At that very moment
you cannot even fathom
what the future will be like.
If it will be fantastic
or terrible.

All you know is that
there is a burning ache
deep in the pit of our soul.

There was a time
where I thought I would
shrivel up and die.
Because of the sorrow
that ate away my hope.

There were days I thought
I could make it.
And days that I didn't
see a point to go on.

Then I met him.

And it was as if 
the blind fold
that covered my eyes
from what truly was happiness.
Was snipped away,
and I was left standing
blinking in the bright light
of a new view of what everything was.

It was then
I realized that happiness
was not part of my vocabulary
for the 2 years that I was married.

I was wandering through
my life, with smoke stinging my eyes.
That smoke was doubt.

I couldn't be more sure
than I ever have been
in my entire life.

There IS a light at the end
of the tunnel.
Though it seems dim when you
start your journey.
As you continue to walk
the light will grow into a beacon.

That will lead you to what
was in store for you all along.
When it seems bleak

please hold on.

Life is a wild roller coaster
that will both terrify you
and exhilarate you.

Going from, 

divorcée to fiancée.

Were both the best decisions
I ever made.


Thursday, April 5, 2012

One wonderful year.

I cannot believe that it has been a whole year
since I welcomed Ronan into the world.

Right now,
there are so many emotions
running through my heart and head.

Even though this year has been
the hardest year
of my life.

With Ronan by my side
it was completely doable.
The Lord really knew
what I needed
and it was Ronan.

I do not regret my decision to marry
my ex husband
because if I didn't...
I wouldn't have Ronan
and he was worth it.

Each and every day
instead of me teaching Ronan
he is teaching me.


The lessons I have learned from him
have shaped me more into the person
that I needed to be for him

Even now,
as I type this he stands next to me
a battery in his hand
laughing and trying to grab my keyboard.

I love him
and I love so much about him:

-I love how happy he is I have been so blessed to have such a good baby
-I love how talkative he is, he always has something to say
-I love how he insists on eating what I am eating
-I love the way he dances in his crib when I go to get him in the morning
-I love how he is such a good sleeper! Since he was little he has slept through the night.
-I love how adventurous he is
-I love that little toothy grin
-I love watching him learn and grow into a little man
-I love how tough he is, but at the same time when he gets a boo boo I love how he wants mommy
-I love how he goes to the sitter with out a fuss
-I love how he laughs hysterically when he is around a doggie
-I love how he splashes huge tidal waves in the tub
-I love the way he waves his hands around when he is eating something tasty

I have loved watching him grow up

All in all
I love Ronan.
Happy Birthday sweet heart.