A house not a home

As strong as I seem I am really struggling
For the past few days I have pretty much refused to sleep at my house
With just Ronan, Winston and I there
It is the emptiest place in the world.

Half a closet full of clothes...
An empty office room...
A cold side of the bed...

I can't describe to anyone
how it feels...
A few have told me they know
it is good to know I am not the only one.

Sharing your every day life with some one
for over 2 years
Then in an instant
they are gone
and you are alone.

It is just as hard of an adjustment as when you marry
but honestly worse
because instead of gaining someone
you loose them
and suddenly there is half of you there

I try go to my house and clean, edit and try to forget
After an hour, I stop, lay my head down and cry

I am trying to busy myself...
With school, nannying and being a mom
But at times I realize what is happening

Every day it still hits me like a ton of bricks
I know with time it will get easier
I have faith it will
I pray it will.

Goals

I am ready for a new life
I am ready for new things
New adventures
People
Experiences
In general a new me

I felt like for the past 2 years I have lost sight
of who I am
and what makes me happy
I was so focused and making everyone else happy
that I forgot about myself

I have goals now
Goals that I will stick to
Here just a few

-loose 30-40 pounds
-feel AWESOME about myself
-train for the "Dirty Girl Mud Run"
-become independent
-read the whole Book Of Mormon
-be happy with who I am and my situation
-have a better outlook on life
-GO TO SCHOOL
-don't stop school until I am done
-love my job
-grow my business
-be the best I can be as a mom and
a daughter of our Heavenly Father

This is my new blog
Come here to
laugh
cry
and join me on my journey
to a new self.

Alicia Arlene