Thursday, September 20, 2012

A year of lessons learned

This time last year
I was sitting in front of the computer
printing off the paper work
for my divorce.

Eyes weary
hand over my mouth
trying not to cry.

Feeling like a failure
as a:

especially a wife.

It felt like in that moment
I was going to die
sink into the earth
and be eaten alive
with nothing left.

Those times were hard
I couldn't bare to bring myself
to look at other families
or make connections with people.

And though so many
reached out to me
which I am so eternally grateful for
I was literally a husk.

The months after that
were a roller coaster
of happiness, joy and laughter
to sorrow, tears and anger.

I used this blog as a crutch
an open diary for the world to read
to help me vent those woes
and as the year pressed on
I depended on my blog less and less.

Next thing I found myself
throwing a party for my 1 year old little man.
Getting engaged
Getting married
and starting school back up in full force.

I'm sitting here
a little dumbfounded.
This year has gone by so fast
and there have been so many lessons learned.

And here a few
some important
some not so important:

- It IS possible to survive a divorce, though it hurts you will not die.
- Do background checks on your roommates, 2 out of the 3 roommates I had were NUTS.
- Date thoroughly and get to know the person you are dating very well.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help, whether it be a friend, family or bishop.
- You can't pray ENOUGH
- Our Heavenly Father is watching out for us, very closely, and knows our sorrows and struggles.
- Pay your tithing, the Lord will provide a way.
- As gorgeous as dark hardwood is, don't install them. Up keep is awful!
- Walking babies are much harder to handle.
- Don't let the nasty things people say get to you, they are entitled to their opinion and you are too.
- Shoveling other peoples drive ways with out them knowing is very fulfilling.
- Say Thank you and I love you as much as you can and every chance you get.
- Don't be scared to admit you are wrong, we all make mistakes.
- Being a grown up is hard work.
- Enjoy the world around you more, if you have the time, do it, if you don't make the time.
- Count your blessings, when things are hard and you struggle it is better to look at what you HAVE instead of what you DON'T.
- Crying is O.K.
- Be comfortable with who you are and be comfortable in your own skin.
- Expand your horizons.
- Be creative.
- Try new things.
- Even though school is hard and frustrating, don't give up, it is worth it!
- Working out should be part of your routine, it works wonders for emotional well being as well physical.
- Give people a chance, you won't know until you try.
- Forgive, forgive, forgive.
- Listen.
- If you want something out of life, work for it!
- When you feel like you want to scream, laugh instead.
- Set goals and reach for the stars.
- Make friends and cherish them.
- Go out of your way to do nice things for people.
- Photography is important, photograph everything, children, places, life. Those things will soon vanish and you wont remember.
- Feeling emotion, even painful emotion, is human and who we are.
- Sing in the shower.
- Do nice things for yourself, you deserve it!
- Don't procrastinate.
- Cherish your children, they grow so fast.
- View the world around you as an amazing thing.

I could go on and on
but I feel that is a good note to end on.
I have learned so much from this past year.
Good and bad.
I am grateful for it
and am grateful that I accepted this challenge.
The Lord is truly aware of us
and knows what we can and can't handle.

Even though it has been a year
I am still forgiving
and trying to understand myself better.

Whatever your life is like
love it for what it is.
Enjoy it for what it is.