Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

These mirrors do not show what is there.

When you marry someone 
you do not think  
that in 2 years you will divorce.

You do not think...

that they will hate you 

that you will be told
you ruin their fun.

that they will miss their sons
first Christmas
because they hate you so much
they refuse to talk to you.

We are just a bunch of children
having children
raising children to become
more children

and then the process starts all over.

When you marry someone
especially when you are LDS
you imagine forever.

You don't imagine...

Yourself left as a single mother
caught between
everyone's opinions on what you should do.  

Trying to find a man
who will love you
and your son
because the person
you married 

Asking yourself
"what could you do differently?"

And now I ask you all...

Shouldn't all beings
have hope for the future?
For a new life?

Shouldn't all possibilities
be endless?


Friday, December 16, 2011

Tis' the season of firsts.

This post was something
I didn't want to write
a lot of my posts are posts
that I don't want to write.

But I push myself...
slipping my hand
down to my heart

and unlock the keys
that unlock the door
where the safe sits
spin the dial
inside sits a box
tightly closed

all those painful things
that slam around inside
that small, minuscule box

Come out in these posts.

The world around me
is lit with glowing color
blues, greens, reds.
All representation of the Holidays.

Tree's wear their finest
trimmed tenderly with
golds and silvers.
Presents stacked underneath.

Many people hustle around,
so focused on material things.
Filling stockings
and filling boxes.

Often I close my eyes
and wish that Santa were real.
So that I could write him a letter
and let him know what I want for Christmas.

I don't want a new car
or clothes
jewelry or electronics.

What I would ask for,
is an unbroken family.

A family with a mom and dad
that love each other
who love their son, together.

Never in a million years,
did I imagine my child's first Christmas
without a dad there
and just a mom, who has done all that she could.

Please cherish your husbands
please cherish your wives
your children
your whole family.

This will be my little boy's first Christmas.
and my first Christmas too...
With a whole new perspective on what is really important.


Thought I would add a fantastic song as well...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Heart song.

I ran.
Feet thudding onto soft ground.
Air burning through my throat
filling my lungs.


with every step
and the pace kept up

my heart sung
with every step

with every exhalation
my mind hummed

the tune of living
in complete and total bliss

Running from things was not
what I was doing.
more so running towards something.

Bigger and better things
things that I never thought in a million years
would happen to me.

The snow fell on my cheek
melting from my warmth
and with that
I ran.


Monday, December 5, 2011

They are real.

It slammed into my windows
scratching its nails along my siding
ramming its shoulders into my roof.

As if it were taking my home
tipping it, twisting it and shaking it
and I am tossed around inside

Like a toddler shaking a snow globe

He called me at 6:30 a.m.
making sure that Ronan and I
were ok.

Concern shifted in his voice
I could feel it
through the phone.

Darkness filled my home
He came over and brought candles

He had been up since 4 a.m.
running around caring for others
even in his exhaustion he cared about me.

Dashing in and out of my house
keeping fences from blowing down
and checking to see if siding flew off
observing shingles intact.

And after the storm
picking up twigs
cleaning out gutters

As a little girl I read about them
as a teenager I dreamed about him
and as a woman I didn't believe in him.

But in that moment
covered in mud
draped in a hoodie
and exhausted

was my
knight in shining armor.


Monday, November 28, 2011


I sat awkward on the couch
as the girl on the other end of the phone
clickity clacked on her keyboard.

My mind was racing
as I wondered if I had done everything right.

After what seemed to be an eternity
I heard her respond to my question,
the whole reason that I called in the first place.

My divorce was:



printed out on paper

recognized by society

accepted by all.

I thanked her and hung up the phone.
Sitting back from my hunched over position.
I couldn't think straight, I couldn't wrap my head out it.

3 months ago I was married.
I was celebrating our 2 years
trying so hard to keep the breaking peices together.
For everyone's sanity.

But I realize now
that there was no sanity in that relationship.

And as I sail away on a boat of

safety and security

leaving him standing on the shore
still causing chaos
breaking everything he touches
ruining the world with each step.
Finding new victims to dig his claws into

Air escapes my lungs and I can feel.
I can smile
Color flushes back into my cheeks.

In that little boat of

safety and security

I finally have no title
not wife
not married
but divorced
and even then I don't let that sink in.

It will possibly takes days or months.
But I finally realize

I am free.
I am divorced


Monday, November 21, 2011

A dry spell

Writers block.
that word is poison to me.
and has been the past few days.

The last week has been spent
struggling to get out of bed
maybe its the weather
maybe its me

But what I do know
is that right now
in this short moment

I am ok.

All of you needed to know that
I think.
at least.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

model me a woman

Let us pretend for a moment.
Let us pose for a second.

That she is a woman of


and though she faces the world
shoulders back
head held high

in the depths of her home
does she crumble
sink into herself
and bury the


Her words are beautiful
they bring others to tears
little do they know
that as she writes
with every word
she leaves a piece of herself
in vowels and nouns

Tears come as she
peels back the aching layers
of her

insecure soul.

She is a loner
yet a social butterfly
that craves the vocal echos of others.

is she the only one
that has wept over this loss?
while he walks away from the burning destruction
no sweat on his brow.

She is a woman of responsibility
often called needy, clingy and annoying.

She is a woman of love
often called wreck-less, insane and immature.

She is a woman of motivation
often called incompetent, a liar, and ugly.

But what she really is,
is insecure.


Sunday, November 13, 2011

why I do it.

Why do I blog?
Why do I write?

This blog is here
because it is my vice
it is my window to infinite possibilities

When I write I discover 
the beauties 
that move and dance inside my brain 

and when I write
the burden that is carried on my

and heart

is lifted and I become free.
Free to live my life
Free to smile and to breath

After a post is written


I often lean back and smile
because I have spun something

something that is important to me.

Something that is raw, uncut and real.

As real as I am.

I am happy.
The things I have in my life
I am so grateful for.

I dance
I laugh
I smile
I sing

No one can take my zest for life away from me.

I am moving on
I am living
and I am loving.

And I want all my beloved friends to know
that though my posts can often be sad.

I am so happy
so unbelievably happy.


I am
a mother
a friend
a lover
a creator
a writer
I am

Alicia Arlene.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

define me.

I never liked when it snowed
especially when the leaves were green
and the snow comes
making the trees break and bend
with the weight of its white existence

And with the snow comes


unexplained, sudden and harsh

Ronan sat on the couch
across from me
I perched myself on the ottoman
as I rubbed his little feet
he moved his foot and curled his toes
to the touch of my hand

and as I did this
memories came back
memories that I have tried
to suppress or dissect

dressing him as a newborn
putting on socks

what a small insignificant memory

and as death cab chimed in the background


the tears rolled down my cheeks


Friday, November 4, 2011

sudden sweetness.

is the word I choose
when all is said and done
and I realize

I was never in love with him

we just worked together



and I thought that was love.

Love has come so far
and is so foreign to me

From being small
and being in love
with that boy in pre school

To my first kiss
the love of friendship

To my first true love
whose presence is with me
all my days

To the person I married
foolishly thinking
"I can learn"

To a person
who I am actually
falling for.

As we grow in life
so does our love


We slowly become the people
that we were meant to be.


Wednesday, November 2, 2011

coming home.

Today I came home
walked through my door
Ronan on my hip
a pack of stolen Diet Coke
from my parents house
gripped in my free hand.

I gazed around my home
Halloween decor still up
a sigh escaped me
I was now 2 days late of

what a bummer.

Ronan was then placed
down on the floor
watching Blues Clues
as he squeed when Steve talked to him


and as the holiday decor came down
the depression hit
the magic of a holiday ending
has always been sad for me

Pulling things out of the basement
hefting them back up the stairs
placing these items
back in their homes

Looking around the basement
I noticed there were
a few pieces of furniture
sad and discarded.

why couldn't THEY have a home?

My whole life
I have always had a nasty habit
of getting bored
moving things around
and spicing them up

Dragging things up the stairs
this in the living room
that moved to the bed room
I felt life break back into my soul

This is my home.

Monday, October 31, 2011

you + me.

This morning as Ronan and I
laid in bed

As he patted my face,
ran his tiny hands through my hair
and I caressed his cheek.

I realized

that all I needed was him
he completed me.

Even though I felt alone at times
he was there for me
with constant undying love.

Though it may be different
than a companions

I realized

that he was my boy.


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

picking pumpkins

We picked pumpkins
We... I love that word.

I brought my camera
Tyler teased me.
and as I photographed
he unwillingly smiled
complaining the whole time
we laughed.


Ronan was grumpy.
somber faced in all the pictures
I look back on the photos and laugh
such a silly little boy.

2 pumpkins
Tyler carried them
I carried Ronan
the sunset orange
the world was orange
and after that we left.



moving on.

It has become official
I am in a relationship with someone
hesitantly I changed my relationship status...

sitting back I gazed at the computer
and thought of the freak out from people
that would soon be happening.

Moving on with my life.
that is exactly what I am doing

I have never been the girl
to sit and wallow in self pity
simply put, I pull up my boot straps
and begin taking the steps forward
to obtain happiness.

He has been my secret
for the past month
my close friends and family know of him
and have met him.

There will probably be some that are thrilled
some that are not.

I will take the
positive and
negative feed back
as it comes.

But what I truly can say is.
I. am. happy.


Monday, October 24, 2011

what people want

Why does it feel
that I am never
what people want?


For the longest time I used to think

I was quality
I was special
I was beautiful

and that whoever got me was the luckiest person

but current experiences with people
have made me feel differently

I work hard, I am motivated
he wanted a stay at home wife

I am fun and outgoing
he thinks I'm loud

What do people want?
Because it is obviously not me.


Sunday, October 23, 2011

getting hurt.

On Friday while photographing a wedding reception
I was walking down some very uneven stairs
took a step, my ankle bent a way it shouldn't


Was the sound I heard.
Later my foot raised
a replacement photographer found
the tears started to flow.

How could this be happening?
No, not now, please not now.

How am I going to care for Ronan?
If I barely can walk?

How am I going to work?
I am the sole provider in my home
I CANT be laid up.

I have no one to help me.

I felt frantic,

My mind was racing the tears were flowing
trying so hard to remind myself that God had a plan
that he wouldn't do anything for no reason

Trying hard to keep good thoughts going through
my mind, and through my heart.

Went to the ER at Lakeview
 I tried to joke the whole way
When deep down inside I didn't know
how I was going to do this.

X rays.
Super nice Doctor
Funny Nurse
Painful Morphine shot
Ankle slowly swelling more
Caring neighbors who were there for me

Good news

I tore ligaments in my ankle
No broken bones
Even though I was still hurt
I counted my blessings

Went home, was taken care of
Thank you so much everyone
It means the world.

Friday, October 21, 2011

that word.


I stared down at the paper
they handed out at the
beginning of


 was printed across it
 in the nicest font that they could find
 no matter what way
 it is said
 it is written

It was still divorce

he was sitting next me
Trying so hard to be civil

Frowns covered the faces
of the others in my class.
I gazed around and wondered
what their stories were
why they were here.
who did what.


On positive note.
I got new shoes, so did Ronan.


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

time passes

It has nearly been 2 months. 
2 months since the truth has come out


At first I thought I couldn't survive
the situation was crushing down
standing on my chest
keeping me from breathing.

I walked through a fog


I fell behind 
thank you for all the love and patience by the way

But with every day that passed
that is passing
the situation slowly steps down
off my chest
and stops crushing me

Toe by Toe

and I am realizing that even though
there is damage
and chaos all around

I am the same girl
I haven't changed
I still slip on my the same pair of shoes everyday
and slip my feet out at night

He can't define me
and I am so grateful for that.

I am grateful for the shoes
that carried me through this
though they are worn out

I'm worn out.

they carried me, every step
and time passes.

I think I will get a new pair.


Tuesday, October 18, 2011


I have read over my posts
and wondered.

Why do people read my blog?

Do they read it because they like to think...
"I am so glad that isn't me"
To reassure themselves that their lives don't suck
as bad as mine?

That they have spouses they get to come home to?
Complete and whole families?
Sometimes I really wonder if that is the reason why.


Wednesday, October 12, 2011


When my hands were tiny
And my eyes only saw innocent things
I would


The world was my storybook
and I, it's writer
I was the author of my own destiny

Everyday after school
I would shed my back pack and shoes
on the floor by the door

Barefoot and
I would run into the backyard
where I could choose to be
whatever I wanted

A mountain climber
a wild bear
the President

In my mind, if I could dream it
it would take form
from the mist
and be.
Whatever I wanted it to be


Now when I drive home
my sleeping son in the back seat
a ring finger missing a ring.
That I come home and someone is there
to kiss my cheek and run their fingers through my hair

He wouldn't care if I wasn't wearing makeup
He wouldn't care if my hair was short or long or anything
He would only inhale my skin
and admire me for what I am.
But when I walk through the door
baby in one arm, diaper bag over my shoulder
place the keys on the counter

The house is dark.
I switch the lights on.
I could only hope...




Tuesday, October 11, 2011

When it goes bad.

It goes really bad.
I have noticed that whenever I loose something
It gets lost all at once

Weary, I am so weary.

I am tired of fighting
I am tired of being ignored.
By everyone.

I am tired of going through this


I am tired of trusting
and getting screwed over
It is becoming a relentless process
and I am sick and tired of it.

I can't deal with the stress anymore.
I put on a good show
Put you can only perform for so long.

Before the curtain drops down
and you are alone.
In the dark.


Monday, October 10, 2011

foreign words.

Over the past week
I have learned


that were so foreign to me.
Because for the past almost 3 years
Those words have not been apart of my


As I start to feel the color of these words again
It saddens me that I didn't feel those with


I realize more and more
what I am missing
I am loving these words again
loving their meaning and sensation

Thank you for putting those words

back in my life.


Tuesday, October 4, 2011

bidding farewell.

Today Ronan and I sat outside
feet tangled in the grass
watching the sun sink
warming the sky with its farewells
and adieus

As the bugs danced on the breeze
I realized how I would never change this moment
Yes, it may just be us


But I love us



As we bid farewell to summer
welcoming fall in our embrace
I am realizing how wonderful everything is

Ronan is sitting on his own
Such a big boy

I am meeting new people
having new experiences
and growing myself into the person
I always needed to be.

and as I bid farewell to summer
I welcome a new life.



As I walk
and there I spy


Peeking through the green
You shyly tease us with your vibrancy


Come to me now
Wrap me with your chill 
Bring with you the smells and feelings

That come with


Thursday, September 29, 2011

hide behind



My camera.

I love how I can hide behind you
When the grief is to much to bear
or when the joy over flows 
and happy tears are shed

Thank you for hiding my face
From everyone
at this painful time
Thank you for giving me



You reach your into my mind
and bring to the surface
What I envision
Bring it to life
and bring others joy.


ocean girl.

The Ocean
I am the Ocean
Coming and going

Grazing the shores of life
Running my fingers through
the sand
and toes
of by standers 

Combing the rocks
crashing into chaos

I am learning that I am the Ocean
I come and go through peoples lives
Gently brushing them with my presence

Never constant
I think people like it that way
But I know I don't.



Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Monday, September 26, 2011

you're ok, I'm ok.

For the past few weeks
I have learned what brings me joy
Making my clients, family and friends happy
Makes me un explainably happy

I love making my clients


Because when I do
I start to


I learn to have mercy on the world
Mercy on myself
Mercy on my emotions

I am only human
you know that.


Sunday, September 25, 2011


After I finished my last blog post
I sat back my head against the couch
satisfied with what I had written

Cryptic code of how I was feeling
hidden between layers
of words and punctuation.

The dull buzz of my family talking in the background
Speaking of the Holidays
Whose house for this Holiday.
Whose house for that Holiday.

Even though I pretend
Even though I try to block it out
It still gets through
The sore wounds of my existence

I stand and leave the room.
Head to the bathroom.
There I close the door
Curl my knees to my chest
and place my forehead against the floor.


With every breath
The tears that build deep inside me

With every breath
I try to regain my silent composure

With every breath
Bring myself back to the surface
and keep myself from sinking deeper into this.

Now a days.
Instead of cry.
I breath.



Since everything has been signed
the urge to write has diminished.
Sometimes I want to write
I have the idea
I sit down in front of the computer
A clean screen in front of me.
The cursor blinking waiting...


waiting for me to fill it with words
phrases and life lessons

But I withdraw from my desk
it all hurts too much.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

A new day

I am forcing myself to write this blog post.

I woke up yesterday morning to my alarm blaring, Ronan was asleep beside me. 
I didn't want to get up
I didn't want to move. 
40 minuets until I saw him
40 minuets until we sat down and signed everything
40 minuets until it was all too real

This was for the best...

Dragging myself out of bed Ronan had woken and was smiling at me.
I smiled back.
But couldn't understand why... in a million years...why he would want to leave him or me.
Why the lying was so much more important than his eternal family
As I got ready,
With every brush of my hair
Every article of clothing
I buried the sadness deep down inside myself
And put on my confident face
Packed up Ronan and headed out the door 

This was for the best...

There I arrived, familiar faces around me.
I was so grateful for my dad and letting me do this at his work
with his Notary.
I smiled, joked and laughed.
He called me.
He was there and needed to know where to go
I sweetly directed him to the door, they buzzed him in.
There he was.

Tall, dark and handsome.
Those blue eyes gleaming at me.

I stifled the screams inside of me
Smiled at him and acted as if nothing was wrong. 

This was for the best...

We went in the room.
and signed the papers.

He signed twice

I signed what felt like a million times
Equality was never there. 
Page after page of splitting this and that.
I made friendly chat with the Notary
Trying to hide my anguish from her 
from him.

This was for the best...

We finished.
He and I sat and talked, his eyes are deep and sad.
His jaw set in a firm sadness.
I begged him to get help.
He tried to argue with me.
I stepped back and told him I wouldn't do that.
Knock on the door.. there was my dad with my darling son.
Our darling son. 
The happy face went back on and we continued about the day
 Printing copies for him and for I.
For the rest of our lives 
For Ronan's life
Things would be split.

This was for the best...

Why did it feel that it wasn't for the best?
I felt angry, hurt and fake.
I was keeping a strong face and composure
I felt betrayed and not good enough
Why couldn't I get him to stop?
Why couldn't I get him to stay?
Why was I never enough?

Went to the gym that night.

Thank goodness for the gym.


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Wiping away

Today I printed out the paper work.
The paper work to end

my marriage
our marriage

With every page I printed out
and laid face down on the counter

I wiped away him
the memories
the past

and with every paper we sign

Alicia Smith


Alicia Smith


Alicia Smith

I will continue to journey
to be free
to be fee of him.

I am just a pair of shoes
on a wire
hanging,with my own weight pulling me down
and holding me there

Soon when these papers are away from me
and in the hands of someone who decides

my laces will turn into wings
I will beat those wings hard
and fly
fly far away
from him.


Saturday, September 17, 2011

Bring on the joy

I love my job.
And even though my heart aches because of what is happening to me
that doesn't stop me from feeling so much joy
for my clients and the happy people around me.

I photographed a wedding today
and not for one second did I think
"poor me"
because I was too wrapped up in the


That my couple was feeling
And I love that
Even though I don't have it
I still love it
I love the fact that others have it

I love love
and eventually someday
I know I will get it

Maybe not now
or tomorrow
or even in this life
but someday
I will.



Friday, September 16, 2011

Feeling good

Today I am not going to write this post in poem style. Because I feel that there is a lot to be said and if I typed it poem style it would have been a hundred pages long. So here it goes. 

The gym.

If there is ANY person out there debating on whether or not they should get a gym pass or do any form of working out, I can honestly say do it! For the past few weeks since he left I made the commitment that I would slowly shape myself into the person that I want to be. 

I committed to a personal trainer at the awesome Four Pillars Gym.

I beg every person skinny, tall, curvy...anything; to commit to working out, I promise you that you will be SO much happier as a member of society. You will start loving yourself in ways you never knew possible, not just physically but emotionally too. 

Working out contributes to your emotional wellness as well as physical.

Even though it was hard at first to find time as a mommy, photographer and friend to go to the gym I made a commitment to find a small piece of my day to go. When I can't go I literally feel panicked because I need my gym fix to help me get through my day. 

Please make time!

People always observe that I am so strong, and I feel part of that is thanks to working out and just letting my self go at the gym. Letting loose all my emotions as I run or lift weights, as I feel that physical pain while I push myself all the emotional pain leaves me. 

You will feel like a SHE-RA or HE-MAN!

I find it so much easier to work out when I have set goals for myself, goals that I cannot achieve unless I am working out. I desperately want to run in the "Dirty Girl Run" not walk...RUN. My whole life I have hated running with a fiery burning passion and I hope that by working out I will be physically able to run.

So in closing I beg all my friends, family, loved ones to get a gym pass and become the healthy, strong and independent person that you all long to be! I know you can do it! :)

Thank you Aunt Liz, Tisha, Merissa and Allison.
For telling me about how wonderful Four Pillars is.
Thank you Bryce for holding me accountable to my work outs.
Thank you Reed for making me realize how much healthier I could be
And thank you John, for training me and pushing me to places I didn't know I could go.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. 


Thursday, September 15, 2011

From bad to worse

So life moves on.
Moves on with out...


Sometimes I sit and wonder
if he realizes how much he is missing.
Life keeps rolling wether we like it or not 
Ronan is growing up 

Growing up with out


Ronan is eating solids 
Moving up to size 3 diapers 
Realizing the world around him
Giving kisses 
Doing funny things 

And he is missing all that 
Does he care?
Doesn't seem so. 

This little boy will grow up 
and will start realizing what is happening 
It isn't fair... 
Not to him
Not to anyone in this situation 

Yesterday was a bad day
Today was worse 

Last night I started cleaning out the storage
and you will never guess what I found?

Bits and 
pieces of him 
strung through out my home 

I got a box and started putting it all in there 
Little things of his and with every little item 
I mourned.

I mourned the loss of my marriage 
my best friend 
my sons father 

Today I woke up feeling the same way 
On the way to work 
I got a flat tire 

As I look back on it now
I am so blessed by the kindness of strangers 
A man asked if I needed help
he was able to give me a ride to my parents
where I borrowed a car 
and was on time to work 

After my dad too time off work 
and helped me with my car issue 
Even though today has been terrible 
I am learning 
Learning to be thankful for the little things 
Even when things suck so bad

Thank you.
For helping me learn.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Take It All

All of my posts, I have noticed, have different emotions

This post...

Is angry...

I am so unbelievably angry right now
Words are swirling around in my head
I try to spit them out but they get stuck...
like paper to honey.
On my lips.

There is so much hate and hurt
It is as large as an ocean
An ocean I am drowning in.

I am tossing with the waves and choking
Drowning in all of this

I sit in front of my computer and edit pictures
of people
in love

and what do I have?
An empty house
With out anyone who cares to have me for company

and who wants my company?

Only the dust
Only the darkness

Stupid for ever thinking things would work out
That life would roll on
I sit here and watch him roll away and on with his life

so quickly

like it didn't happen

like I never happened

like our son never happened

But here I am...
dwelling on this and that every other day of my life.
I have always been stuck in a web

Let me be free world!

There are so many more things
I just cant bring myself to say them

Right now.

I am angry..

Friday, September 2, 2011

Learning to love

I am trying to relearn how to love myself again.
I am really not a vain person..
Never have been.
Never will be.
But even though I am not vain.
There is this tendency I have where I dont like anything about myself, at all.

With this whole divorce I am taking time to learn
to love myself
But I know that when I love myself completely
Then I will be the happiest I have been in my whole life

I stand in front of the mirror
And pick myself apart
But today I stood in front of that same mirror
And picked what was GOOD about myself

Here is what I saw:

A person
With emotions
With sanity

And I looked at her and I said what I loved about her.
I am not going to say because I feel that is very vain.
But I looked and I loved.
I loved her.
I love me.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A house not a home

As strong as I seem I am really struggling
For the past few days I have pretty much refused to sleep at my house
With just Ronan, Winston and I there
It is the emptiest place in the world.

Half a closet full of clothes...
An empty office room...
A cold side of the bed...

I can't describe to anyone
how it feels...
A few have told me they know
it is good to know I am not the only one.

Sharing your every day life with some one
for over 2 years
Then in an instant
they are gone
and you are alone.

It is just as hard of an adjustment as when you marry
but honestly worse
because instead of gaining someone
you loose them
and suddenly there is half of you there

I try go to my house and clean, edit and try to forget
After an hour, I stop, lay my head down and cry

I am trying to busy myself...
With school, nannying and being a mom
But at times I realize what is happening

Every day it still hits me like a ton of bricks
I know with time it will get easier
I have faith it will
I pray it will.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


I am ready for a new life
I am ready for new things
New adventures
In general a new me

I felt like for the past 2 years I have lost sight
of who I am
and what makes me happy
I was so focused and making everyone else happy
that I forgot about myself

I have goals now
Goals that I will stick to
Here just a few

-loose 30-40 pounds
-feel AWESOME about myself
-train for the "Dirty Girl Mud Run"
-become independent
-read the whole Book Of Mormon
-be happy with who I am and my situation
-have a better outlook on life
-don't stop school until I am done
-love my job
-grow my business
-be the best I can be as a mom and
a daughter of our Heavenly Father

This is my new blog
Come here to
and join me on my journey
to a new self.

Alicia Arlene