Adoption

I have always fancied myself
a big dog person.

I love the feeling of the weight of their head
placed ever so lovingly in your lap.

The way their thick ears
are soft like crimson velvet.

And as you pet and run
your fingers over them
you are in a whole new world,
a world of ecstasy.

The way they insist on being lap dogs
and jump up on your lap
laying their body over your knees.

I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

My husband and I had discussed getting a dog
and we both agreed that adoption was the way to go.

So on Saturday we set aside time to go look at dogs.
When we arrived he caught our eye
and after debating between he and another dog
we adopted

Lincoln
"Link" for short

Ever since then
I have been astonished and impressed.

With this amazing dog
that is a gentle giant.

Who lets Ronan climb on him
with out a care.

Who sleeps, lounging,
on his favorite yellow couch.

Who is patient
Calm and caring.
Nuzzling you when you cry
with deep concern in his brown glossy eyes.

Although
at times

He can be stubborn
but we are lovingly working on that with him.

I am so happy
to finally have a big dog back in our family.

To complete our family.

Welcome home Link.

A.A.

Pears

As summer fades
and the heat of August sticks to our skin.

We sit outside

munching on pears and watching daddy work.
Enjoying the suns warmth that is quickly wasting away.

Enjoying our new life

our new companion.

And side by side we sit,
munching on those
not quiet ripe
sour pears.

Gazing at the kids
riding their bikes

As the hum and commotion
of our neighborhood hive
bustles with activity.

We happily admit that
our dreams came true. 

Life is simple
but oh so sweet.

a.a.

Becoming a Bass.

Tomorrow
Tomorrow
Tomorrow

I could not say that word enough.
At this very moment
it seems so unreal.

But it is,
it is real.

Tomorrow I get married

I get to marry:

my best friend
the love of my life
my confident
the better half of me

A person who never judged me
who looked at me for me
and accepted me even though I had flaws,
even though I made mistakes.

Who taught me to be patient
understanding
and dedicated.

Who taught me to love again
to trust again.

When I thought I could never
do those two things
ever again.

Who continues to teach me everyday,
I couldn't imagine marrying anyone else.

Who loves my son
and my son loves him.

I am so grateful our paths crossed

That the Lord sent him to me.

Not only that
but I get to gain an amazing family.
Who also brings so much:

Joy
Laughter
and
Love

into my life
they are all so amazing.

Tomorrow will be one of the best moments in my life.
Tomorrow I become a Bass.

A.A.

From divorcée to fiancée.

When you sit beside your husband
staring straight forward.
Eyes locked on anything but him
your lips quiver and that terrible word slips out.

In the phrase that so many
dread to hear.

"I want a divorce."

At that very moment
you cannot even fathom
what the future will be like.
If it will be fantastic
or terrible.

All you know is that
there is a burning ache
deep in the pit of our soul.

There was a time
where I thought I would
shrivel up and die.
Because of the sorrow
that ate away my hope.

There were days I thought
I could make it.
And days that I didn't
see a point to go on.

Then I met him.

And it was as if 
the blind fold
that covered my eyes
from what truly was happiness.
Was snipped away,
and I was left standing
blinking in the bright light
of a new view of what everything was.

It was then
I realized that happiness
was not part of my vocabulary
for the 2 years that I was married.

I was wandering through
my life, with smoke stinging my eyes.
That smoke was doubt.

Now,
I couldn't be more sure
than I ever have been
in my entire life.

There IS a light at the end
of the tunnel.
Though it seems dim when you
start your journey.
As you continue to walk
the light will grow into a beacon.

That will lead you to what
was in store for you all along.
When it seems bleak

please hold on.

Life is a wild roller coaster
that will both terrify you
and exhilarate you.

Going from, 

divorcée to fiancée.

Were both the best decisions
I ever made.

A.A.

One wonderful year.

I cannot believe that it has been a whole year
since I welcomed Ronan into the world.

Right now,
there are so many emotions
running through my heart and head.

Even though this year has been
the hardest year
of my life.

With Ronan by my side
it was completely doable.
The Lord really knew
what I needed
and it was Ronan.

I do not regret my decision to marry
my ex husband
because if I didn't...
I wouldn't have Ronan
and he was worth it.

Each and every day
instead of me teaching Ronan
he is teaching me.

Patience
Love
Compassion
Strength
Joy

The lessons I have learned from him
have shaped me more into the person
that I needed to be for him

Even now,
as I type this he stands next to me
a battery in his hand
laughing and trying to grab my keyboard.

I love him
and I love so much about him:

-I love how happy he is I have been so blessed to have such a good baby
-I love how talkative he is, he always has something to say
-I love how he insists on eating what I am eating
-I love the way he dances in his crib when I go to get him in the morning
-I love how he is such a good sleeper! Since he was little he has slept through the night.
-I love how adventurous he is
-I love that little toothy grin
-I love watching him learn and grow into a little man
-I love how tough he is, but at the same time when he gets a boo boo I love how he wants mommy
-I love how he goes to the sitter with out a fuss
-I love how he laughs hysterically when he is around a doggie
-I love how he splashes huge tidal waves in the tub
-I love the way he waves his hands around when he is eating something tasty

I have loved watching him grow up

All in all
I love Ronan.
Happy Birthday sweet heart.

Here I am.

It terrified me.
Thought of looking back through
all the mournful words that I posted since
that fateful month...

August

But I did it.
I read over each one
cradling the words that I read
in my arms
like a child

Words that were bursting
with emotion and hurt.
And as I read
I cried because I was so grateful
that I made it through that.

As I sat legs crossed
at my kitchen table
the sun peaking through the shades
on my back door.

I felt fully capable
and in control of the situation.
I had handled things the best I could
and I had made it this far on my own.

Feeling strong and in control
is a feeling I have grasped for desperately.
I do understand that I can't control all things
but I can control myself.

That is what really matters.

Happy Monday everyone.

A.A.

This time of year...

I dread
Every year for who knows how long...
Last night as I sat close to my parents counter
hunched over my moms laptop.
I blurted out
"I hate Valentines Day."
My mom simply responded "I know"
Looking up I raised my eyebrow
She saw my expression and said
"I don't like it either"

I don't loath it
despise it
could kill it if I could
because of my situation.
There have been plenty of years where I have had
a significant other, be it a boyfriend or husband.
I still dreaded it.

It really never had been important to me.
Ever since I was a kid I found it pointless,
spending hours making cards for people
giving each other awful Pepto Bismol heart shaped candies
that scream "I LOVE YOU!" or "HUG ME!"
Don't get me wrong getting the chocolate was awesome.

Be mindful of people who are hurting at this time,
we all know you love your husbands, fiances or boyfriends,
but be thinking of those who don't have someone.

Show love to everyone
not just your lover.

A.A.