Sunday, January 1, 2012

The new year.

While many of you
rang the new year in
with kisses
and banging of pots and pans

My new year was rung in
with tears.

As I cried
forehead pressed against my steering wheel
car parked in the drive way.
Hesitant to go inside.

I could not decide
if the tears were happy
or if they were of gritted grief.

I could not decide
if I sobbed with relief
the hardest year of my life
was over.

I could not decide
if I sobbed with sorrow
because that year of my life
was wasted with bitter tears.

Wasted with unreal existence.

Maybe it was both.
Maybe 50/50.
Maybe 20/80.

Even as I am writing this
I am realizing how
those were tears of


Although I test the waters
of a very new and
very different life.

Slipping my foot
into those unsure waters.
What I can reassure all of you
and myself is.
I did what was right.

I am excited for a new year.

Without lies
without bitter tears
wasted 'I love you's'
and deception.


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